That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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