it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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