Already got asked if we're dating
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think people are normalizing furries
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
