My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
