I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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