Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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