I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
