Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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