She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
