Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
