Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
