Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
