Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
These tits shall not be calmed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
