It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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