The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize