this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
