she woke up with a sticky ear
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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