i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
