his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
