I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
