Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
