she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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