She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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