I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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