3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
