Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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