If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't turn off my feet"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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