I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
