I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
