jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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