We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize