So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
