saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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