He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
