Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
