Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
