she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Randomize
