dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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