Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
