Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
