Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
