he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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