I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
