jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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