Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The adults are the big ones right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
