I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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