Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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