i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
