Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize