took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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