Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
