You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
