I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
