Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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