You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
