The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
