who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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