I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
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It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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