Where is the hickey?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
