Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
