I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
