Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
