I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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