so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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