Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
