Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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